Carlisle's Journal
by LouiseRisa
Summary: Have you ever wonder what Carlisle thinks before, during, or even after the Twilight Saga? Better yet, why not read HIS journal? I don't own anything except what I wrote for the story. The story is also available at other sites, pls c profile for info.
1. Chapter 1

21 June 1663

I am Carlisle Cullen, born in somewhere in the 1640's. I am the only son of an Anglican pastor. My father was an intolerant man, while my mother died giving birth to me..

As the Protestants came into power, my father was enthusiastic in his perecution of Roman Catholics and other religions. He also believed very strongly in the reality of evil. He had led hunts for witches, werewolves and vampires. They've burned a lot of people each week.

Now my father is retiring and he had handed me his position in order to continue his hunt for evil.

I need to go now, will write again later, I am suspecting some vampires are living in the very sewers of the city.

-Carlisle


	2. Chapter 2

26 June 1663

I have reported my discovery to the people of the city. The men had all gathered together to destroy what I think to be Vampires in the sewers. I need to hurry. I will be leading this 'raid' myself. A few friends of mine are waiting outside my house now. Peter and Arthur will help me in leading the 'raid'. The other men brought pitchfork and torches with them. We will head to the sewers where I had discovered them a few days ago.

I need to go now. Will write again soon, if I survive...

-Carlisle


	3. Chapter 3

30 June 1663

It had been three excruciating days. I do not know how I managed it but I did. I do not remember anything clearly but I know that I am different from who I am before, the scorching pain in my throat confirms it.

From what memory I have left from that night, a male went out of the sewers when he heard us approaching. I was sure he shouted something in Latin to his friends. He must have been very thirsty - like I am now - I can faintly remember his twisted face fill with agony. He managed to injured me, Peter , Arthur and some of the men with us. Knowing my father's attitude of burning anything or anyone that is contaminated by evil or such, instinctively, I crawled away from the alley when the other men arrived and burn Peter , Arthur and the other men to ashes.

I had hid myself well in a cellar, and had buried myself with rotting potatoes. It was a miracle that I was able to keep silent and stayed undiscovered.

Still I am one of the evil creatures that my men and I had fought with our lives. I do not want myself to destroy families, people, even to take away a human life just to quench my own thirst.

I must find a way to destroy myself, I will not let myself to turn into the evil creature that I had fought against.

I will write again soon if I had failed my mission to destroy myself.

-Carlisle


	4. Chapter 4

6 July 1663

I have tried many ways again and again. I jumped off a cliff so high that it could have shatter a human's bone millions pieces. I have tried drowning myself in the ocean for a few days probably. And yet here I am, who failed my mission in destroying myself, writing in my journal.

I have not eaten or drank anything since that night I was changed. Perhaps I can starve myself to death. I will try and do my best to stay as far away as I can from human population.

I will write soon if I failed again.

-Carlisle


	5. Chapter 5

9 August 1663

I have failed yet again. I have not eaten or drank anything for two months now. It seems that starvation does not destroy creatures like me.

I need to go now. I need to stay as far away as I can from human population. I can hear some drunkards are walking down the alley now. I do not know why but I can hear every single heartbeat of theirs as if I had put my ears on theirs chest and listen to them beat.

I will write again when I am far from them.

-Carlisle


	6. Chapter 6

16 September 1663

I am quite certain for now that I am currently not by any means near to human population, so I was thinking of writing another entry.

I HAD DRANK BLOOD, a deer's blood to be exact, last night. I can see now that it is possible for me to exist without destroying any families or had to take away a human's life to satisfy my thirst, to make the pain that felt as if someone had put down a burning hot iron into my throat to go away.

Last night, I was trying to flee away from the approaching humans, I found a good place to hide myself. Though, I can feel my will failing me as I hide, but my senses on the other hand were getting stronger. Somewhere east of my hiding place, I can hear a herd of deer ran by. Instinctively, I got out of my hiding place and lounged for the largest in the herd and drained its blood.

The beating heart of the deer, was beating furiously and stopped suddenly when I was finished with it.

My energy came back to me, I can feel the control of my own will now. I have decided to research more about my kind-vampires.

I will write soon for I have found out some interesting things.

-Carlisle


	7. Chapter 7

24 December 1663

Today is Christmas Eve and I am all alone in the dark, empty streets of Southampton. I have been quite far from home, if I still be considered as one of the citizens now. I wonder how is my father now, what is he doing at this very moment, has he set up the Christmas Tree yet? He, my father, may never accept me back as his son again, because of his despise towards the creatures of evil, he will never take me back as his son.

I just hunted a mountain lion -they taste the best of all animals I had hunted before-, so I have my energy back, and since it seems that I do not need any sleep -at all- I had spent my time in the past few months picking up on my memories, but I cannot really remember anything about my human life except to read from the entries in this journal, the other journals -if I had written more- I had left them back home and I have not return yet. In my conditions, I do not know if I can ever go home, and my father is there. Ah, home, the sound of it makes me want to run back there this very instant.

Instead of filling my mind with sad thoughts of unable to go home, I researched more of my kind. There has nothing too much to find out except for the obvious changes that I had experienced, which I was oblivious to during my failed attempts of suicide, but they did gave me a more understanding of myself.

It seems that the most obvious change will be my appearance, my voice, probably even my smell -they smelled sweet now-. It also occurred to me that the painful days in June were probably caused by the physical changes.

My blond hair look somewhat the same -I think-, my skin -I do faintly remembered that they were pale- but this, this is very very pale, as pale as a ghost if I am right, they felt warm but I realize that when I touch my prey, they shuddered like they had touched something cold, so I am assuming that my skin are cold too. My reflection in the mirror shows that my bloody red eyes are changing day by day, every time I feed is more accurate though. My eyes are still red but currently, they have this little tinge of gold in them. As I had written above, my appearance had completely change into more beautiful, godlike creature.

When I was all alone in the woods of North Yorkshire, I made a discovery as I tried to expose myself under the sun and to my un-expectations, instead of being turned into ashes and disappear away like in the myths, my skin reacted as if millions of diamonds were embedded in them.

Other changes includes the incredible speed as I run, the strength I possessed -I knew about that when I accidentally crushed a boulder when I had jumped down the cliff in one of my suicidal attempts-, my sense of smell, sight, touch and so on, are also sharper than a human being's. I think that the senses too have been altered during the painful three days.

Then I realize this sickening fact, the changes of my appearances, my altered senses, they are changed for me to lure human, to feed on them easily, the strength-to crush their bones, not letting them escape; the speed-to catch up with them in case they try to run away; the intense sight-so I can see them clearly; the inhuman beauty-to lure them, to let them want to be near me, to be unable to resist me.

The temptation of human blood, yes, the temptation that smelled so strongly, so sweet that I WANT to lounge on their throat, but I cannot! I MUST NOT DO SO!

Wait.

It is snowing, such a beautiful sight. I can see clearly the shape of the flakes that are falling down. Their shapes are the amazing gifts from heaven to the earth.

I will write soon, I want to enjoy the snow even though they does no longer melt on my skin. I will miss that, the feeling of being human.

-Carlisle


	8. Chapter 8

3 January 1664

Today is the third day of the year 1664, or so I think. I have traveled from Southampton to somewhere near Devon now. The last I wrote is on Christmas Eve, that was the last time I had hunted to this day. I need to hunt again before I set out to my plan.

Yes, MY PLAN. I have planned to go to France. I may learn something new about my kind there. I shall take off the first break of dawn from Plymouth and perhaps will reach somewhere near Brest or Cherbourg in a few days. I plan to swim there. Do not be surprised, people swim through the English Channel all the time in these days.

I was running through the snow in the past few hours, so there are some snow on my hair now as I am writing now. I will brush them off later. I stayed at Ringwood a little longer than I had expected.

My plan to swim there now is mostly for my own convenience. The cold weather is exactly what I needed. A normal, sane human will never ever swim for a few days during a winter spree, and there will be no land to stop at and allowing them to get warm, but I, I am not human. I was once, but not anymore. I will continue to live -if it is what I should call the way I am now- and find my call in the alternatives in this new life.

It will be dawn soon, I better hurry up and hunt down some red deer or some foxes.

I will write soon when I have reached the shore of France.

-Carlisle


	9. Chapter 9

10 January 1664

I was swimming non-stop for the past few days, I reached France a little early than expected. I had reached Cherbourg yesterday but there was a few human nearby, so I ran away from them. I need to hunt as soon as possible. It will be quite, NO, but VERY dangerous for a thirsty vampire to be roaming around the city or streets when there may be some unlucky human to bump into one.

I was running about 90 miles southeast yesterday. To my surprise, I am now in Paris. I am writing on top of the roof of a beautiful cottage here in Paris, gazing into the stars, watching them blinking their eyes at me. What a beautiful sight. I can hear the two couple in this cottage sleeping, how sweet it is as they are sleeping together, enjoying every moment of being human. There are also children in this house, I can hear their fluttering heartbeat. There are five of them in this cottage. The five human, unaware of a thirsty vampire writing in his journal on their cottage roof.

I can hear some Frenchmen talking about 5 miles away. I understand what they are talking about - probably because France was quite near to Britain-.

_"Pierre, Pierre, tus es pierre coeur"_ a guy had said. (Pierre, Pierre, you are stone-hearted) _"Comment pourriez-vous quitté votre fiancé comme ça?"_(How could you left your fiance just like that?)

The guy called Pierre replied, _"Ah! Vous avez posé une question simple mon ami. J'ai trouvé une autre femme, et elle est beaucoup mieux que Aurore." _(Ah! You've asked a simple question my friend. I found another woman, and she is a lot better than Aurore.)

I heard another guy said, _"Dominique, mon ami fou, l'amour ne dure pas éternellement. Vous n'avez pas rencontré Susanne encore, alors vous verrez pourquoi Pierre a annulé son engagement." _(Dominique, my foolish friend, love does not last forever. You have not met Susanne yet, then you will see why Pierre cancelled his engagement.)

Dominique replied, _"J'aimerais répondre aux Susanne qui avaient notre Pierre ici pour avoir le cœur de résilier son engagement avec les plus belle femme de Paris."_ (I would love to meet the Susanne that had our Pierre here to have the heart to cancel his engagement with Paris' most beautiful lady.)

Pierre said again, _"Hah! Matthieu a raison, vous en connaissez la raison quand vous la verrez vous-même. Quoi qu'il en soit, comment a été votre demande à l'université?"_ (Hah! Matthieu is right, you will know the reason when you see her yourself. Anyway, how was your application to the university?)

I stopped listening to their conversation from the word "university". A university, a place where I can start with. I would love to learn more things, from different languages to philosophy, and business to pharmacy. I will go and find the university the men were talking about, and maybe get myself registered there -that is if they do not notice me as a vampire-.

I can hear a herd of deer somewhere north of me now, I will write again after my thirst is satisfied and after I asked the university's management for another student.

I better go now, someone is waking up in the cottage.

-Carlisle


	10. Chapter 10

25 January 1664

As I walk into the streets of Paris, I let myself walk slowly. I do not think that the humans can run as fast as me strolling along the woods.

The humans seemed... CURIOUS... Yes, curious about me -I think-, but then again, I can see every single pulse, every single heartbeat, luring me, letting me to feel the urge, THE NATURE OF A VAMPIRE, the nature that makes me wanting to sink my razor sharp teeth into their throats, and let the warm, juicy liquid flows in and extinguish the burning flame in my throat.

The streets of Paris are full of posters, but the one poster that caught my eyes was the one about the University of Paris (Universite de Paris a la Sorbonne). It was established 300 years ago by a gentleman with the name Sorbonne, and the best of all, it is only 2 blocks away.

I had myself wrapped up in a scarf that covers my skin so they will not glitter like diamonds. Since it is still snowing, most people are putting scarves around their necks too. I also changed my clothes because the ones I was wearing were stained with animal blood.

I walk my way to the university since it was so close. Reaching there, I find my way to the office to get myself enrolled into the university. If the humans did not recognised me when I make my way here, perhaps they will not notice me studying in the university too.  
I was a little shocked when I walk up to the registration table. There was the receptionist, it was not the receptionist that shocked me, but her name, AURORE. Could this be the Aurore Pierre and his friends were talking about 2 weeks ago? I do not want to let my curiosity gets the best of me, but I walk forward anyway, wanting to ask her about the university enrollment, after all she is the receptionist.

As I was approaching her, I can smell a sweet scent, it did not have the same sweet scent of human blood that were pumping near me but somewhat it smelt like the fragrance of lavender. Then I realized why is it -THERE IS ANOTHER VAMPIRE HERE. I walked towards Aurore step by step, little by little, and the scent just keep getting stronger. Did the scent I inhaled belonged to Aurore? I do not know.

It seemed to be an eternity when I finally reached the table.

_"Excusez-moi, je me demande si je peux m'inscrire à l'université?"_ (Excuse me, I am wondering if I can enroll into the University?) I asked.

Instead of smiling like other receptionist do when they reply to a person that asked them a question, angrily with her high-pitched musical voice, she said, _"Qui êtes-vous? Et que fais-tu ici?__"_ (Who are you? And what are you doing here?).

I quickly realized that the scent really do belonged to her, and she IS a vampire.

_"__Je vois que vous, mademoiselle Aurore, est la réceptionniste de l'école. Je ne veux de mal, je ne veux m'inscrire à l'université et apprendre des choses ici.__"_ (I can see that you, miss Aurore, is the receptionist of the school. I mean no harm, I only want to enroll into the university and learn things here.)

I can feel another set of eyes on me, so I turn around and saw a male staring at me. The male was wearing a suit that only janitors wear. Could he be a vampire too?

_"__Puis-je vous faire confiance, les jeunes d'un?"_ (Can I trust you, young one?)

_"Bien sûr. Puis-je savoir quel sujet est disponible ici?"_ (Of course. May I know what subject is available here?)

With shock in her already dark eyes, she said, _"__Beaux-là. Il existe un petit nombre de sujets disponibles ici, y compris la médecine, des arts et des lois." _(Fine then. There are a few subjects available here, this includes Medicine, Arts and Laws.)

I considered the options I have at hand. Then I finally decided.

_"__Je voudrais prendre un médicament que mon sujet principal, vous pouvez aussi bien ajouter à trop de lois."_ (I would like to take Medicine as my major subject, you might as well add in Laws too.)

_"__Je vais vous inscrire pour vous dans quelques minutes."_ (I will register that for you in a few minutes.)

I waited for a few moments when she finally speak again.

_"__Là vous allez, voici votre calendrier. Assurez-vous que vous n'avez pas m'exposer, ou je vous tuerai moi-même!"_ (There you go, here is your timetable. Make sure you do not expose me or I will kill you myself!)

_"__Ne vous inquiétez pas, je tiendrai ma promesse."_ (Do not worry, I will keep my promise.)

I walk away thinking what did she meant by she will kill me myself, then I shuddered at the thought. I had tried to kill myself many times a few months ago, but still, listening to a threat that said she will kill me with what ever means she may use, frightens me. If I am still a human, my heart would be beating furiously.

I do not know why I chose Medicine as my major subject, maybe it is just because it seemed to attract my interest. The field of Medicine seemed somehow appealing to me. Maybe that is my call, my reason. Probably...

I also enter for Laws. I have a feeling that it might be useful one day, besides, I have nothing to do at night, I might as well learn them.

I better go and hunt. Being near so many human just make the scorching flame back again.

Till then.

-Carlisle 


	11. Chapter 11

29 February 1664

It had been about a month since my last meeting with Aurore and the janitor that stared at me. The lessons have been really fascinating. Medicine really caught my interest. Everything that the professors had taught are fascinating.

I am walking now at this very same time, I am writing into you too. The silent night, with only crickets, toads and nightingales singing their songs of the night, is much enjoyed by me.

Something bad almost happened yesterday, SOMETHING REALLY BAD. Yesterday was indeed a bad day, a bad day for the humans especially. The professor decided to perform autopsy for a girl that died of an animal attack a few hours before.

The girl looked really pale. There is no way of recognizing who she was as her facial features were severely destroyed. The professor slowly began to pick up the scalpel, reaching her body. As if in an instant, the professor cut through her soft, pale skin and the red liquid started to flow out like running water. It set my throat on fire.

I am starting to have a control over my thirst, hunting only once a week. I had not hunted for about three days and the way the professor was cutting her skin and letting the blood flows out of her was overwhelming, giving me nothing but the pain in my throat that was almost unbearable.

I feel extremely lucky as there are no humans near me now. Even by only remembering the scent itself still set my throat to a point where scorching flame was not a word for it anymore.

Back to where I left our little dangerous story...

The blood flows out of her, giving out a sweet scent, a scent that was luring me. I can still see the blood, dripping one drop at a time, the memory, still fresh in my mind. Darn photographic memory! And there we go, the next thing that happened was the cause of the danger to all.

The janitor who stared at me as I had told you since the last time I wrote in you was cleaning the corridor nearby. I saw him, darting to the door, almost crushing it, just because he smelt the blood. I too, darted to the door and stopped him just in time before he could hurt anyone. We were lucky that no one saw us moving.

I pushed him to the side, pinning him down, not letting him go so that he would not be able to go into the class and drink blood from the poor girl. Furthermore, he could expose himself to the students here. Ironic is it not? Aurore had asked not to expose our existence to the humans, yet, this janitor had almost do the honor of exposing our kind to the humans.

I made sure that he would not race into the class and make my way inside to excuse myself from class, giving the excuse that I faint at the sight of blood. To my luck, the professor believed me and gave me that night off.

I used my inhuman strength and picked the janitor up my shoulders effortlessly. He did well not even trying to break my grip. When we were out of the university building, I put him down and demanded an explaination from him.

Suddenly, out of the darkness of the woods, a blur image passed by and stopped right in front of me. Aurore was standing in front of me,making barrier between me and the janitor. Then, she quickly walked to the janitor's side and helped him up.

_"Alfonso, êtes-vous d'accord? Qu'at-il fait pour vous? Alfonso, l'amour, parle-moi, dis-moi qu'est-ce qu'il fait pour vous?"_ (Alfonso, are you okay? What did he do to you? Alfonso, love, speak to me, tell me what did he do to you?)

_"Aurore, je vais bien. Il n'est pas nécessaire d'être inquiétant."_ (Aurore, I am fine. There is no need to be worry about.)

_"Mais Alfonso ..."_ (But Alfonso...)

Then she started doing what I thought is impossible, she started to sob. Her sobbing were tearless. I do not know why but the way she held him in her arms, well, I am ashamed to admit this but, I think I am jealous of that Alfonso.

Huh, what weird feeling it is. The feeling of longing, of wanting someone to be able to share things with, experiences and lots more.

Aurore continue sobbing her tearless sob while turning around to look at me.

_"Avez-vous votre promesse petit? Qu'avez-vous fait à ma Alfonso?"_ (Did you broke your promise young one? What have you done to my Alfonso?)

Without a doubt, I know she was talking to me, and she looked rather angry. I also wonder what had she meant by **my Alfonso**.

_"Mlle Aurore, vous n'avez pas à vous soucier de lui sentir. Je n'ai rien fait pour lui. Je n'ai fait que le sortir de l'immeuble."_ (Miss Aurore, you don't have to feel worry about him. I have done nothing to him. All I did was take him out of the building.)

She hissed back at me and an unknown surge of weakness came to me, as if my energy are being suck out of me. I fell to the ground and became unconcious.

Wait!

Oh dear, look at the time. I should be heading over to Aurore and Alfonso's. I'll tell you what happened next time, all I can say is I was lucky Alfonso stopped Aurore in time...

-Carlisle


	12. Chapter 12

1 March 1664

Let us start off where I left you hanging last night.

_"Avez-vous votre promesse petit? Qu'avez-vous fait à ma Alfonso?"_ (Did you broke your promise young one? What have you done to my Alfonso?)

Without a doubt, I know she was talking to me, and she looked rather angry. I also wonder what had she meant by **my Alfonso**.

_"Mlle Aurore, vous n'avez pas à vous soucier de lui sentir. Je n'ai rien fait pour lui. Je n'ai fait que le sortir de l'immeuble."_ (Miss Aurore, you don't have to feel worry about him. I have done nothing to him. All I did was take him out of the building.)

She hissed back at me and an unknown surge of weakness came to me, as if my energy are being suck out of me. I fell to the ground and became unconscious.

I know through my own experience that vampires do not sleep, and in this case, it was not sleeping either. According to Alfonso, I was standing there with my eyes open, staring into nowhere.

All I remember from the experience are not very clear, I am not sure why. Well, almost everything I write now is based on what Alfonso had told me.

Alfonso told me that I stood in front of the building turning weaker and weaker because Aurore was exhausting my mental state. As I told you before, if it was not because of Alfonso, ashes would be what is left of me. You see, Aurore have this gift. A gift of taking other vampires or humans' strength and make them as her own. Alfonso managed to stop her from draining me from my mental state.

Don't get me wrong because I am not indicating that I am mad but you get my point. Aurore has been walking the Earth as a vampire for almost a century now while Alfonso, who was turned by Aurore, was created a few decades back.

Just like Aurore, Alfonso has a gift too. His gift is to make humans and vampires alike, to let them be with him, to experience what he, himself had been through, so that is how he made Aurore understand the situation and asked her not to kill me.

Back to where I left off, Aurore was sucking my consciousness out of me and eventually I did become unconscious while I was still standing and staring into space. Alfonso used his gift forcefully on Aurore and she understood what had really happened. She even thanked me for helping Alfonso and did not exposed who we are to the humans.

It was a weird way to offer their thanks but, they ask me over to their place -as I had written in my last entry-. There we talked about who we were before our vampire lives start and everyone of us can only remember things but they are blurry and it kind of hurts your head when you try to remember it.

Alfonso and Aurore offered me to stay with their coven but I declined them politely as I do not take the same diet as they did. They were shocked to hear me telling them that I drink only the blood of animals. As shock as they were, they were also very curious.

It seems that patience comes with the price of one's soul. It was time for my Laws' class and I needed to go back to the university. I left them after gave them my word of telling them soon after I hunted. I think the only way to explain to them is to show them my gold-coloured eyes.

Till then,

-Carlisle


	13. Chapter 13

6 June 1789

I have not writen in you for a few decades now. Last I wrote was about Aurore and Alfonso. They, of course, were shocked to see my gold-colored eyes. I explained to them that I only drink animal blood and they were confused. Eventually they decided to try on my diet as well, but their animal blood diet didn't last long. They stopped the diet after three months of trying it. Then, I left their coven. I left the University of Paris a few years later as people are starting to notice that I am not aging.

I've traveled through Spain, Switzerland, Austria and more places in these few years, learning and practicing medicine. Most people know me as Dr. Cullen nowadays. I keep moving from places to places after a few years. But still, I feel quite alone.

I've got myself enrolled into one of the famous university in Pisa, Tuscany, Italy. It's the University of Pisa. It teaches Medicine, Civil Law, Canon Law and Theology. I of course take Medicine as my major subject and Civil Law and Theology as the optional ones. But that is not the main reason I'm writing in you today.

I was walking to the university at night like I always do because all my classes are night class and I hide in the day to avoid myself being caught. People around have start to think of vampires, witches and such as fairytales nowadays, so I'm quite safe to interact with them. I was very near the university when I was attacked.

His name is Felix. He attacked me and managed to take me back to Volterra and meet his masters, the leader of his coven. He dragged me down into a sewer-like tunnel and took me forward.

There they were, the three leaders of this coven of vampires in Volterra. I can see that all of them, all the vampires present wear a dark cloak over their body, hiding their faces from me. All, but one put their hood on. He sat in the middle of the three thrones before me; the other two was occupied by a vampire with snowy white hair and the other jet-black.

The vampire who sat in the middle stood up and walked towards Felix and me. With a smile on his papery-onion-like face –well more like as thin as an onion's surface's skin-like face-, he said, "Welcome, dear young one. Welcome to our little coven called Volturi."

Suddenly, Felix let go of his grip on my hand and walk towards the vampire who stood up just now. "Master..." he said. Then, he touched his papery onion-like hand and that vampire gasps.

Smiling again, he said, "I see Felix, you may return to your place. So, you must be Carlisle, am I right?"

"Yes, how did you know my name? Who are you?"

"Felix just told me your name and your encounter with him."

I felt my jaw dropped and quickly close it before anyone notices. As I opened my mouth to speak, I silenced myself because Aro was speaking again.

"Don't fret young one. I have a gift; I am able to read every single thought that you ever have when I touch you. Would you do me the honor?"

Slowly, he reached out his hand towards me, an invitation. Not knowing what to do, I slowly reach out my hand to touch his waiting hand. He gasped as he touched my icy cold hand -which felt quite warm to another vampire, as Aurore had commented in one of the time I'd stayed with her and Alfonso-. With pure shock in his ruby red eyes -apparently he just fed on a human's blood-, he let my hand go and he seemed like he took a few steps backwards.

"I see. Young Carlisle, you've never heard of us? I see. And you feed only off animal blood, am I right?"

The snow white haired vampire looked very shock, and so did the others, well, all except one that is, he sat on one the throne in the room, his hair was jet black but there was no expression on his face.

Feeling dumbstruck, I had myself focused on how to reply to his answer, but before I even open my mouth to speak, he already nodded understandingly as if he heard me thinking inside my head, all the time keep our hands holding in a hand shake position.

"I see Carlisle, I heard it in your head, as I had said before, I can hear every thought that you ever had just by one touch. Extraordinary! How remarkable it is. A creature like us but feed off animal blood instead. Would you ever consider joining us, young one?"

I was thinking again, on the pros and cons of joining them. What if I want to leave one day? What if I was to kill an innocent life during my time here? What if I leave now, not joining them, consider that I may learn something here. There are just too many what ifs.

"Aro, I know that you may had read what I was thinking already, but I need sometime to think about it."

Aro spoke again this time, but with his voice so musical that he'd managed to make it sound like he was pleading for me to join his coven of vampires. "Ah, why of course young one. You can take your time and please do consider joining us."

"Fine then, Aro. May I proceed into going out of here and to my class now? I am quite sure my professor is worried that his student is absent."

"Of course then. Get on your way. If there is anything you need at all, feel free to come and see us. And don't forget my offer young Carlisle."

I back away slowly, then walk out of the double door and proceed to get to my class. Of course I was late, but the professor took no notice of that.

I'll tell you my decision when my mind is cleared of confusion.

Till then,

-Carlisle


	14. Chapter 14

5 July 1789

A few weeks has gone by since my last encounter with the Volturi. I still remember clearly the almost translucent skin of the three leaders of that coven of vampires; Aro, Caius and Marcus. The eagerness of wanting me to join his coven, was indeed distinctly clear in Aro's milky red eyes, Caius' impatience in handling things, even Marcus' boreness was still fresh in my memory. I don't think I'd mentioned this but I think I saw Marcus' facial expression changed when a female vampire that passes by me goes into the hall. Oddly, she seemed to make me feel...happy.

Every now and then, I can feel a set of eyes watching me, figuring my "bad" intentions observing my every movement. It's not really comforting, and it's more of annoying. Ever since I've became a vampire, I find it a little hard to concentrate on things. Sometimes just a mere dust flying by can took my attention away, I would be observing every speck, every layer of things that it lays on. Besides that, me being in a room full of deliciously smelling, blood pumping humans all the while makes it hard to think clearly.

I was hunting last night. I was leaping in mid-air, lounging myself onto a mufloni. The goat with two horns was gazing in the meadow, not knowing the danger that was going to befall upon it. Suddenly, something triggered my self defense mechanism. I landed on the soft greenery that the mufloni was gazing on and was positioned into a crouch in a second. Facing somewhere about northwest, there was a man standing in the middle of the opening of my hunting grounds. The mufloni of course ran away the opposite direction, away from me and the newcomer.

The man, who was in a dark red cloak, almost brown, with ruby red eyes, slowly, cautiously walked towards me. Raising both of his chalky white hands -which somehow have a hint olive tone- above his black hair to assure me that he wasn't going to attack. Slowly, he tries to close the distance of a few kilometers between us.

He began to speak, the Spanish accent in his voice was very obvious. _"I mean no harm to you. I'm just curious about you. You see, I am one of the Volturi guards and I have heard of you from my master, Aro."_

Standing straight up again, I try to remember all the faces of the red-eyed vampires in the luxurious room -maybe hall is more suitable- with the three wooden thrones. I tried and tried hard, but not a face, not even a similar one come to my photographic memory.

_"You say you are one of the Volturi guards? Then tell me why haven't I met you before? If you are one of them, you must have known my, urrmm, visit to the Volturi last time."_  
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_"Yes, I am one of the Volturi guards. Why of course you've never met me before! This is my first time meeting you also! Hello! Glad meeting you, Carlisle. I am Eleazar."_  
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_"Oh, so I see. Glad meeting you too, Eleazar. So, would you mind telling me, are you new in the Volturi guards?"_

Chuckling, he said, _"No, I am not a new member of the Volturi. I was sent by Aro to the other side of the world to search for gifted people or vampires alike. To be honest, the main reason I'm here to see you is to observe you. I want to see how you hunt those animals. I must say, you are very good at your, urrmm, diet..."_  
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_"Why, I don't know what to say. Urrmm, thank you?"_  
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"Then, you're welcome. Carlisle, I think it may sound a bit ridiculous, but just go on and continue hunting, I know you are thirsty."_

_"Of course... "_

Staring me with his ruby red eyes, he watched me hunt the entire night, questioning at times about my animal blood diet. I, in return, questioned him about the Volturi too. We also talked about why I drink animal blood and he asked that if I'd drank human blood before. He was shocked to know about me resisting human blood when Alfonso almost couldn't. Anyway, we talked about a lot of things and when it was dawn, I know I've made my decision.

I'll tell you about it in my next entry.

Till then,

-Carlisle


	15. Chapter 15

6 July 1789

As I told you before, my decision was made, and I've made myself clear to Aro that I won't join his coven of vampires, but I'll stay to study more about the existence of vampires.

At the break of dawn, Eleazar and I make our way out of the meadow. All the villagers nearby are still asleep, we must get ourselves elsewhere to hide before they wake up to see us in our sparkling skin.

As we were walking down the alley where the sun was still low enough that the shadow overcasting us were barely enough. At some point later this morning, we had to pass by a clearing where the morning sun woke up along the horizon and set our skin to sparkle.

The olive tone of Eleazar's skin, somehow made the sparkling of his skin somewhat, a little more... colourful? Well, that;'s just understating things, it's just, there's no word to describe it. Just like the eighth colour in the rainbow that I haven't mention in the journal, if only there is such thing for us to take a special moment, to stop that beautiful moment, hoping that it would last forever as how this life has offered me.

From all our interrogations between each other last night, I did found out more about the Volturi. I do know now that they are like ROYALTY, the Kings and Queens of the vampire world. Which makes me wonder, could there be something like a Prince or a Princess of the vampire world then? Chuckling internally, feeling that Eleazar would probably just ignore that question, I pushed the thought out of my mind.

He also told me about the laws that they all vampires must abide to:  
1. We must not reveal who we are to the humans, if anyone of the humans find out about us, they must be either become one of us or be silenced permanently. Or the alternate punishment is for us to be silenced with them. (I shuddered upon hearing that part.)  
2. We must never create an immortal child or we will be executed. (I didn't know what immortal child is so, I interrupt him to ask the question. Apparently, an immortal child is a newly born human turned into a vampire and they are forbidden because their state of mind stays the same forever, never learning new things and they crave for blood the whole time and thus will set out a killing spree.)

Well I think that is about all that he told me. He said that the Volturi set too many rules and most of them were made with his absence.

I also asked him a question that make me felt a little embarrassed, Who is SHE? Who is that girl that made Marcus changed his all doom and gloom expression? Who is that girl with the same hair colour as Aro, who was smiling, probably skipping dancing into the great hall where I met the Volturi, who made me feel happy just passing by me?

With a tiny smile on his face, Eleazar answer my question, "That's Dydime. She's Marcus' wif~ soulmate. Let me tell you, she is Aro's little sister and she has a gift too. Unlike the mind reading abilities like her brother, Dydime emits this... aura of happiness to everyone around her. Many vampires or humans that actually thinks that they fall in love with her because of her gift. Even Felix was a little smitten when he just joined us. Marcus, of course, fall in love with her too. But he is the only one that Dydime reply the same feelings to."

Thinking again and again about the information that Eleazar that filled me in, I do feel that Dydime and Marcus are really perfect for each other. Marcus is like the kind of person that goes being all doom and gloom; on the other hand, Dydime, is like the opposite kind of person, she's the kind of person that cheer people's day up despite how doom or gloom they are. Those two lovebirds complete each other.

Eleazar also mentioned that every gift a vampire has is different because no one ever thinks the same way. Very interesting if you must ask me.

We were gliding through a clearing, chattering like we're good old friends that haven't seen each other for decades when an unfortunate farmer bumped into us. He was there just in time to see our skin glittering like millions of diamonds embedded in our skin. Everything happened very quickly then.

Eleazar acted quickly. Using the lightning fast speed, he ran towards the poor farmer and lunged for his throat. Sinking his razor sharp teeth into his neck, the farmer's carotid artery was cut and Eleazar started drinking the farmer's sweet blood. The scene that happened before me, it was utterly, terrifying. I still shudders from the thought of taking away a human life was not something I'd do. In my human life, I was my father's heir, the one next in line to continue his legacy of killing creatures of evil, and now, I'm one of them.

Finishing the last drop of the farmer's blood, Eleazar turned to look at me. "Aren't you at least a tiny bit tempted Carlisle?"

"To be honest Eleazar my friend, that was quite intimidating. In fact, that's actually my first time seeing a human killed by a vampire."

"I thought you told me that your friend Aurore and Alfonso drink human blood. If so, how haven't you seen a human being killed before?" He said that as he pulled out a match and lit the lifeless body on fire.

"They do feed on humans, but they always excuse themselves before they go, urm, hunting."

Shrugging, Eleazar motioned for me to go ahead and I quickly did so to escape the scene of a human burned into ashes before my eyes.

With all that happened and the information I've got from Eleazar, I've learned just how advance the Volturi were, but I also learned just how savage they can be if provoked.

We reached Volterra near mid-morning. Eleazar led me down to a tunnel underground and we began running to the castle where the Volturi masters live. We reached to entrance of the castle's hall in just five and a half minute. The human receptionist made us wait until Aro gave her the order to let us in.

Her blood smell so sweet just like the other humans. I walk just a bit faster to quickly escape her scent and meet Aro. As soon as we were in the hall, Eleazar retreated to the side. Just like before, Aro offered me his hand to shake with. After the handshake, Aro just nodded his head and told everyone my intentions about just to stay with them, not to join them and that I meant no harm to them. With that said, Aro asked Eleazar to take me to the room I'll be staying.

It did cross my mind to persuade Aro to change his diet. Who knows, maybe if I'm able to change his diet, the others will too. Well, it's just an errant thought, still, who knows, maybe it'll work. I was lucky that my things were just a few trips back and forth from the place I was staying. My room is very simple. The walls are beige in colour, a set of sofa, a table at the near end corner of the room and a large bookshelf for me to put my collections of medical studies.

I'll write again later. Aro needs to talk to me. He said that it's something about my human life's father. I wonder what will he say? Well, that mystery will remain a mystery if I don't quickly unpack my things and go see him.

-Carlisle


	16. Chapter 16

7 July 1789

Aro spoke to me about something very shocking indeed. It started off with me entering the very same hall that I first saw them. When the same majestic doors open, Aro was standing, not sitting at his usual spot at the throne between his brothers. The way he was standing, he kind of made me worried.

"Carlisle," he began. "We just receive news that the London administration had just decide to demolish your father's house."

That had me speechless. Instead of using my usual way of communication, I simply touched Aro's hand to convey what was in my mind. Mostly are about "How did you know if they're going to demolish the house?" , "When is it going to happen?", "What building is it?" ...

Aro chuckled at my mental reaction. Calmly, he tell me, "Young one, don't fret, you still have time for about a few months left till the demolition process even begins. I thought of telling you because it is the place you grew up as a human. And from what I've seen from your reaction, you are still deeply attached to your human memories, even if they are only glimpses of blurred images."

I was still speechless due to Aro's concern shown towards me. I mean, as the leader of the largest coven of vampires, as well as being the leader of the Volturi coven (which is considered the royalty in the vampire world), Aro showed concern towards me, a mere sole vampire, who brings no threat what-so-ever to them!

I said my thanks to Aro when I mustered enough strength to even speak. Then, just right before I leave the hall to my respective room, Aro began speaking again, stopping me in mid-track.

"Carlisle, if you may, take Felix and Eleazar with you. I'd love for you to go along well with Felix and Eleazar, since you'll be spending time here a lot after you come back from London."

Then, with a smile, our little meeting was dismissed. Within moments of packing in my room, a knock could be heard from the door.

"Come in." I replied to the anonymous knocking.

"Hello Carlisle, I'm here to tell you that I'm sorry the way we met wasn't quite the way normally me and my other fellow companions meet. My meeting with them was different from the way we meet, if I may add."

"Oh hello, Felix. There's no such need to be sorry at all. In fact through the years, I've met many of our kind in various different situations as well. Besides, the way I met you might make our meeting more memorable." I smiled back at him.

Grinning sheepishly, he added, "Well then, I hope for you and I to bond as friends on our way to London then."

"Of course..."

After a few attempts of making small talk between us, Felix grinned triumphantly and said his farewell for the time being and head to his room to pack for the journey.

Going back to London was the last thing on my mind, and it still was until Aro mentioned of the demolition the authorities are going to be doing in a few months time to what used to be my home.

I was so lost in thought that I didn't notice the change in the sky. It's going to be sunset soon, and Felix and Eleazar had made plans that we should leave the next day after the sun have set. What lies ahead tomorrow will have stay tomorrow for me to find out. By choosing to go back to London, I may just revive some memories of my human life, if my father had not loathed me enough to destroy all my things as he may consider it as a cleansing ceremony, to clear all demons or evils that I know he must have believed to have resided in his own son's soul.

I was supposed to be his heir, his only family left, for all that I know. My first entry in you, journal, could probably my first entry after all and I may just lost everything in my faint human memories. What I wouldn't give to be human again. I believe of the higher power, not royalties of the world's most dangerous predator high power, but higher power as in Gods.

From what I do know from my memories (and some, from the fragments in you, journal, before my transformation as a vampire), as faint and as dim as they are to me now, I do know that I'm raised by my father alone. Imagining that he, a sole lone man, raising a child since its' birth; the hardship the old man must have been through if I was rebellious teenager, and all other sorts of problem he may had to face if I was a problematic kid. All the possibilities of my human memories are endless.

I may not truly remember my human memories anymore, but I can still hope that visiting the place where I had grew up in for almost twenty something years, that ought to be counted for something, and who knows, I might just remember some bits and pieces of the past, before I'm a vampire. And who knows, if I did wrote in more than just a journal, and that the other journals may still be lurking somewhere in that century-old house where I grew up in, where I spent my childhood, my adolescence, and where I believe to had celebrated the day I was rendered a mature adult.

Time, it pass like just the grains of sand in the hourglass to us vampires. They flow through the opening between the vessels from the upper part to the one below. As quickly as it was turned, as quickly it is to start flowing through the miniature hole.

Writing what I'm thinking as quickly as I think of them is just another easy task since I am now gifted with the speed as fast as lighting, if I must find a way to describe it.

I think I should end my entry here for now. Even if I don't sleep, I still get mentally tired at several occasions. For now, I think I'll just sit on the sofa and perhaps lie on the decorative bed and ponder of what I may have to overcome in time when Eleazar, Felix and I reach London, the land of what I used to call HOME...

Till next time,

-Carlisle


End file.
